Category Archives: Travel

Our younger daughter is about to set off on her great OE in the footsteps of her sister.  I am a real wuss and cry each time one of them leaves home to go flatting, never mind leaving the country! I do admit to not missing the mess in the bathroom, the long hair in the shower plughole and the fussy eating. But they are very minor things in the scheme of things

I am happy to see her spread her wings and to pursue that right of passage for young Kiwis, I don’t know what it will be like to have both our daughters offshore and I dread it. Thank heavens for email, Facebook and skype. When I did my OE it was a aerogramme once a week and an occasional postcard if you were lucky. And you NEVER phoned home unless it was a life or death situation or you had completely run out of money which amounted to the same thing. But it will be hard not being able to hang out with and hug one of them at least.

Because I am thinking about them a lot more even than usual at present I have been reflecting on parenting, and for me that means reflecting on being a disabled parent. How fortunate I have been to have my girls. Unlike many disabled mothers I have had a supportive husband and family, and lovely plunket nurses. No-one ever questioned my right to be a mother, and I have never been in a position so precarious that the powers that be thought it necessary to take my children away from me simply because of my impairment and/or because I could not pay for the support I needed.

All of these things happen to disabled women everywhere. Sadly New Zealand has little support for disabled mothers beyond the services available for all women. They are not always the most supportive for disabled parents.

But our girls have been my best and most loyal supporters, even when they were little. They have never been ashamed of my impairment in front of their friends, (apart from the usual teenage stage of not wanting to be seen with their parents,) They have always accepted without question or negative comment my disabled friends, and even in the worst of teenage tantrums never showed resentment about the things I haven’t been able to do with or for them as they have grown up.

When they were little the dreaded “h” word “handicapped” was the equivalent of the dreaded “f” word, not to be uttered under any circumstances. They have even been known to rebuke their teachers for using it.

I have tried not to burden them with extra cares because of my impairment and was furious when a woman bus driver, after seeing my ‘blind’ bus pass said to one of them “now you look after your Mummy” She was only six! I wanted to say “I am the mother she is the child. I look after her!” but decided she wouldn’t get it.

So, my dear godwits fly away. Enjoy your freedom. Have fun and learn about the world but come back home before too long.

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It is always a privilege to be able to hear disabled people share their stories. Last week I heard young disabled Samoan women take, for some of them, their first steps towards empowerment. It was sometimes sad and always moving but we managed to have a few laughs together as well.

As I said in my last blog the stories are similar the world over, I can identify with the pain and marginalisation expressed in each personal story. I also said in my last blog the differences are usually local and cultural angles, and of degree.

These young women told of being cared for by their families, but not being allowed out on their own, and being denied opportunities, such as going to school or having a job and being able to contribute to their families in the ways they wanted. Some cried as they told of painful instances of being cruelly treated by others in their communities.

Happily not all stories were sad. One young woman said she was not ashamed of being disabled, and that she had been able to achieve success in her life, and we celebrated that with her.

They all had dreams, the same dreams you would expect many young women to have. They wanted to be able to work, to party, to have boyfriends and ultimately have a family of their own. One expressed a longing to go to school.
I have just returned from Samoa, where I attended two disability conferences, the first a women’s forum. Never having visited before, I found Samoa to be laid back, hot and very clean and tidy. I don’t think I saw a scrap of rubbish anywhere, and the beautiful gardens were lush and colourful. Coming in from the airport when I got home I thought Wellington looked messy by comparison.

One meeting was held in one of the beautiful open fales, which allowed the air to circulate and a fairly comfortable temperature, while the other was held in a rather inadequately air-conditioned room.

Physical access in Samoa is minimal, as there are few footpaths and most buildings especially the churches I saw had lots of steps. There is still much to do also in terms of education, and support services. Sadly disabled people seem to be the last in line when it comes to inclusion in mainstream development aid, but I am pleased to see that NZAID has a good reputation and is funding small practical grassroots projects to help disabled people’s organisations.

Despite the, heat, the long hours of work, the usual tummy troubles, and almost being caught up in a near riot between warring schools, (over rugby) it was a great trip. We were there to help build capacity in Pacific disability organisations. We met some stunning people, and I hope we were of use to them.

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